Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
