conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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