i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
