sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize