Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
