Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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