Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said