I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I stole a fireplace last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes