Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I pour the whiskey from now on