Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who