So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?