I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots