he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
