Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
