Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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