Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
