Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
