I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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