those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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