I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
