After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
