Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
id be glad to
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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