She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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