You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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