What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
