my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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