I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
