I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
