so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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