I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
