update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
