so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
