Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
