Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
