forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
