i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
