I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
