He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
