i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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