Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
