why didn't you poke me back
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
