Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
