Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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