she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
