dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
