we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
