I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
