is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
