How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im just a social blackout drinker.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
