I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
