Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
