You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
