im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
