Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
