Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
