We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
