Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
