I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
