so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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