I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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