Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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