I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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