We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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