Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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