Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
