I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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