If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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