Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
