She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
