I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
