New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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