My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
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We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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